


Lost in Simulations

by littlecrazyfangirl_98, Weresilver-In-Space (JuhllyMBS)



Category: Doom (2005), Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Technology, Experimentation, Gen, Hallucinations, Imprisonment, Injured Leonard "Bones" McCoy, John Grimm is Leonard McCoy, Kidnapped by Aliens, M/M, Reaper Leonard Mccoy - Freeform, Reaper!Bones, Tags may be added as story progresses, Thinking About Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-11-12 09:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18008798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlecrazyfangirl_98/pseuds/littlecrazyfangirl_98, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuhllyMBS/pseuds/Weresilver-In-Space
Summary: Reaper sits in a dark dungeon, injured. He feels himself getting weaker. The wound is not healing like it always does.Apparently it is time to accept what he wished so often for in the past: Death.But is it really?





	1. Not ready to die

**Author's Note:**

> So this whole thing started on tumblr where I posted a short Oneshot (here the first chapter) with an open end and Ju (Weresilver-In-Space) wrote a sequel to it. After I wrote another sequel we thought we could also start this as a whole story here.
> 
> We hope you enjoy reading it!

Leonard sat on the cold ground in the dark dungeon. He was leaning against a wall, breathing fast and sweating. With his hand he was putting pressure on the bleeding wound on his side. His only injury. The only one, which just wouldn’t heal.

Reaper had known immediately that something was wrong. The way they had inserted the knife. How they had smirked. How it had burned.

Could it really be that these natives had found a poison that could seriously harm him? Even kill him?

Leonard didn’t liked thinking about the latter but feeling the pain, feeling his body getting weaker with every passing minute, he couldn’t really help himself.

He was however surprised as he realised he didn’t wanted to die right here and now. Surprised because there had been many moments in his already long life were death had been what he wished for. Always starting new lifes, lying to people, leaving people he loved. It was exhausting and he had just wished that he wouldn’t have to. That he could live a normal life. Growing old and dying.

This time however he had done something different. He had waited long, had been unsure and nervous but finally Reaper had allowed himself a family and to be loved.

And also when you managed to fall in love with a half Vulcan it was hard to keep secrets. So Spock had been the first to know. Jim the second one and then all his friends had been let in in his not so little secret.

It honestly had been freeing. No longer he had to hide who he really was. Also they didn’t looked at him like he was a freak or monster. They all still loved him. Nothing really changed actually.

But now he sat here and had no idea where his friends were. Maybe they were in danger and needed help. Maybe they were already searching for him.

Leonard closed his eyes. He thought about better times. Talking with Scotty about old technology while drinking, learning a language with Nyota, chasing Jim through the Enterprise,being in Spocks arms and feeling safe….

Reaper felt something wet on his cheeks. He knew exactly what it was. Tears. His own tears. He was crying because he was not ready to die.

 

 


	2. Fighter

Leonard rose weak hands to his face in order to rub his eyes. If he really had to go, he would do so with some degree of dignity, but he couldn’t help returning his thoughts to the Enterprise and the crew. To the very human expression that Spock had when he told him the truth, the understanding, sympathetic hug he got from Jim later that week. Nothing had changed. He was still the same CMO, and the crew had accepted it all. But he was dying, every breath becoming more difficult, and the burning sensation on his abdomen only becoming worse.

He closed his eyes, breathing slowly and deeply. " _Bones,_ ” he heard. He snapped his eyes open again, startled and hopeful, but saw no one. Not even one of the natives that had thrown him down the hole.

“Great... _Just great!_ ” He shouted, tired of the silence in the underground dungeon he found himself in. Leonard remembered nothing of what had put him in this situation, only the twisted expression of pleasure they had as the knife dug into him just below the right side of his ribcage.

He struggled to get up, to walk away from the spot he had occupied for god knows how many hours. He did not want to die. Not there, not like that and, he supposed, not alone. He would walk out of there and find his friends, _his family_ , even if it would kill him right after. The poison was doing more on weakening him than the blood loss, but it was slowly draining his strength as well. He’d be hard-pressed to guess which would kill him first, but he kept on walking, using the wall for support while he had a hand over the wound.

In order to stay awake, he mumbled whatever phrases and words in Vulcan he could remember at that moment, and a faint chuckle escaped him. He recalled Nyota’s surprise when he first let out some simple sentences in Vulcan. It was rusty at best, and downright incomprehensible at worst, but she didn’t mention it either way. Instead, she helped him brush up on that, and other languages he had picked up over two –

The sound of steps made his body and mind stop. Maybe two or three people, walking towards him. He pressed his body against the wall, for whatever good that would do him. He waited. He thought he had seen a figure in blue walking down a corridor. His breathing was erratic and tired, but there was no one anywhere in his sight. His heartbeat was equally irregular, and maybe that was what he had heard because nothing came around the corner.

He let his body slide down to the floor. The place seemed like a maze, and he couldn’t keep track of where he had already passed by. Hell, by that point he couldn’t keep walking even if he managed to find his bearings.

He took a series of shallow breaths, closing his eyes. “ _Doctor– Leonard._ ” His heart skipped a beat, but he refused to open his eyes only to be disappointed again. The last thing he needed was his brain trying to get Spock there. “ _Leonard, wake up._ ”

“Not real," Leonard repeated a few times, his voice nothing but a whisper. He was tired, and speaking had suddenly become a laborious task. He was starting to accept what would apparently be his fate on this planet. Of course, it happened after he had finally _talked_ to people.

“ _John,_ ” his real name and the sudden, warm touch on his face forced him to snap his eyes open, more in surprise than anything else. In front of him, Spock bore such a human expression of concern... Maybe he was just used to reading the half-Vulcan, maybe he was imagining it. _Again._ “I can assure you, I am in fact real.”

And he was. John had momentarily forgotten about the telepathic bond, but the mix of worry and relief that washed over him were certainly not his own. He let himself relax, glad that at least he wouldn’t be alone, that...

“Doctor,” Spock called to him, back to his usual, near-monotone voice, “There is a medical team waiting not far from–"

“Don’t,” John breathed out. By god, he only realized how cold he felt after Spock withdrew his hands. He was sweating, sure, but he couldn’t remember ever feeling this cold.

“I will not allow it.” Spock was well aware of the acceptance in John’s mind and given the doctor’s condition, he... He should accept the situation as well. But he simply couldn’t. “John Grimm is not a man known for simply giving up,” he raised an eyebrow, “Unless I misunderstood something about you.”

That earned him a pitiful chuckle. As long as John didn’t tell him to be quiet, Spock would keep going.

“You have always been... A fighter, John." Spock’s voice was soft in that Vulcan way of his, noticeable only to those used to its nuances. “So keep fighting. You will live.”

“Spock, jus’...” John had to pause mid-sentence to try and breathe. He couldn’t look up to Spock, and neither could he put in the effort of getting up. “Jus’ sit down, will ya?”

Spock let out a minute sigh but did as John requested. In a simple movement, they adjusted around each other, and John quickly found himself held by Spock as reassurance and acceptance were going back and forth through the bond. Maybe, just maybe, the darkness creeping up on John wouldn’t be so bad now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Ju/Weresilver here. This was the sequel I wrote for the original one-shot, which was posted here as chapter 1. This was the third sequel I've written for Mi's one-shots, but this one started something new altogether hah
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!!


	3. Prisoner

“Oh, this is highly interesting. “

“He accepted death just like this? He was fighting it just a moment ago! “

“It’s apparently because of the man, who had hold him. If I interpret the information correctly he has deep feelings for him.“

“But I am even more impressed that it seems that he didn’t noticed anything off.”

“It’s just proof that this technology works without problems! “

“No! It works even better than we thought! “

“Yes! This seems to be a complete success! “

“But we are not done with him. Let’s bring him to his cell before he wakes up and tries to resist. “

“Yeah, he needs to be well rested before we begin with the next experiment. “

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Reaper did not thought he would wake up again but that’s exactly what he did. First he just blinked but then he jerked up into a sitting position. Noticing in the back of his mind that the movement caused no pain. He looked around, confused. He definitely wasn’t in MedBay. Where was Spock? Had everything just been a dream? No, that couldn’t be. It had felt too real for that.

“Oh you are awake already?” a voice sounded, startling Leonard.

The voice didn’t sounded human and also not mechanical. It was something in between.

Reaper looked in the direction the voice had come from. He couldn’t see much in the darkness. Still he saw a figure standing there, probably watching him. He guessed it was a native. But Leonard couldn’t remember exactly where he was. If he even was on the planet where he was supposed to be. He definitely hoped so. Anyways the figure was at least half a meter bigger than him, with a gigantic head and something that seemed like antennas.

For a moment Reaper wondered if he had any weapon on him. But he figured if they put him in a cell, they probably also took care of his weapons. How long was he actually already here? It really bugged him that he couldn’t remember anything. He hoped he would soon.

“I am sure you must be confused. “ the alien spoke again.

Leonard decided he definitely didn’t liked how their voice sounded.

Slowly Reaper stood up, keeping his eyes on the figure.

“You are unique. There is only one of your kind. At least if our informations are right. “ Leonard was told.

He gritted his teeth. He should have known. Of course it was about this. He was here because he was John Grimm, not Leonard Mccoy. He wondered how they found out though. He doesn’t know anybody he has told his secret, who would just tell it some natives. The only thing that came to Reapers mind was that maybe Section 31 had information about him.

“Your uniqueness is what will keep you alive. We have to be careful with you. With our next simulations. So don’t worry. You are worth too much to just let you die. But I guess you have to stay here for a while, until we are done. Because we want to know everything.”


	4. Two-sided Issue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, weresilver here. I was supposed to have posted this yesterday, but uh, life can get busy.

That figure had disappeared as though it was never there. Leonard ran a hand over where his wound had been; there was nothing. Was he given an antidote and his body did the healing or was it all some form of… Simulation, as the alien had mentioned? The fact Spock hadn’t actually found him is what hurt the most.

He looked around, trying to see in the darkness. He could tell the cell was barren, but not much else. He wasn’t bound to anything, free to walk around. Some confidence, he thought, that he’d be unable to escape. And maybe he couldn’t, but he would at the very least give them hell for it.

The half-Vulcan hadn’t left his station, incessantly scanning the planet for any signs of Leonard, or anything that could lead him to wherever he was. The bridge was in as much silence as Spock had been the entire time, and tension was simply building up.

“Spock,” Nyota called. Jim's attempts had been met with near hostility, so she decided to try to pry him away herself. She owed him that much. “Spock, talk to me.”

Spock let out a minute sigh and finally looked up at her. “Leonard is on that planet,” he said with certainty. “I cannot reach out to him for whatever reason, but I know for a fact he is alive.”

“You _can_ tell he’s alive, Spock,” Jim commented softly from the captain’s chair, “That’s already something, right?”

Spock quietly nodded. “However, it is worrisome that I cannot reach him.” He didn't turn to Jim but instead returned his focus to his instruments. “It is as though he is… Not entirely there.”

Before Jim could reply, Sulu’s voice came through the bridge’s comm system. “ _Captain?_ ”

“Mister Sulu!” Jim straightened in his chair, even though no one in the away team could see him. “Did you find anything?”

“ _Yes, sir,_ ” he paused. “ _We are at a cave entrance about ten kilometers east of the doctor’s last known location._ ”

“Is it a system of tunnels by any chance, mister Sulu?” Spock rose from his console and walked to the right side of the captain’s chair, earning a sympathetic look from Jim.

“ _It seems to be, Commander. The readings indicate some levels to this cave, both up and downwards._ ”

Spock turned to Jim without a word, tense, in a silent request that the captain knew all too well after years of working together. “Sulu, stand by.” Jim nodded at his first officer, who immediately started making his way to the transporter room. “Spock will be joining you on the search,” he announced, “And please, keep an eye on him.”

Sulu’s confirmation came shortly before he closed his communicator. The helmsman looked around, trying to assure himself that they hadn't missed anything. He was standing in the valley between the first two mountains of a range, it would be incredibly easy to miss something.

The three security officers that accompanied him emerged from the cave just as Spock materialized not too far behind Sulu. They exchanged nods as greetings and Sulu reported his arrival just before walking into the cave, led by the security officers who had just finished surveying the ground level.

Spock paid closer attention to his surroundings than to whatever the officers were saying, and he was certain they were aware of that fact. It did not quite matter. The walls of the cave were far too smooth to be of natural occurrence, and there was a slight decline the further in they went. No apparent connection to the upper levels. No way of searching the entire system. _No way of reaching Leonard, should he somehow be in the upper tunnels._

He kept trying to reach through their bond, but there was only some form of emptiness, the most unsettling kind of it. He followed the officers in a heavy silence, focused on his efforts of finding Leonard. No matter how long it took.


	5. The right decision?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is a really short one, still I hope you enjoy!

Leonard walked around in his little prison, inspecting the door of the cell, touching the walls, listening for any kind of suspicious sound.

He knew that he was behaving like a caged animal, but it was also a fact that humans were just that: Animals. Some would probably say he was more so than “normal” humans. 

The truth was however that Reaper had to keep himself busy so that he wouldn't think too much. 

Of course he still wanted to know, how these natives knew his secret and where exactly he was. But then there was this one thing he didn't wanted to think about, because the possible answer scared him: Where was Spock and why couldn't Leonard feel anything through their bond? Wasn't the half Vulcan trying to reach him or couldn't he? 

Reaper has lived more years without such a bond than with it, still he has gotten used to it so fast, that not really sensing anything through it, left him feeling empty and cold. 

It made Leonard wonder if it had actually been the right decision. To have a family again, to love again,to not hide, who he was. Yes, they all had accepted it, but Reaper could never forgive himself if they would be harmed because of him. Also, if people found out about him and Spock they knew that Reaper was vulnerable. That he had a weakness. 

Suddenly Leonard heard heavy steps coming in his direction. He had already made his decision that he would fight, if they tried to get him to do another of their experiments. Maybe he could do it. Maybe he could fight his way out of here. Or maybe they were actually stronger than him, maybe had a trick up their sleeves Leonard wasn't aware of yet. It didn't matter for Reaper. He wasn't going to just do what they say. He would fight, even if it was the last thing he did. 

  
  
  



	6. Ghost

_Fight. Run. Make way past whoever stands there. Go back to the ship, to Spock. Do_ something.

Nothing would have prepared Leonard for who opened the door. Standing in front of him, the young brunette woman, definitely human, had a small smile and a broken look on her eyes, one which he had run away from years ago, longer than he would have bothered keeping track of.

“What do I even call you?” Her voice was still as sweet as he remembered it, but he couldn’t muster the strength to reply. “Last I saw you, you were going by Michael, right?” There were echoes of hurt under the sweet tone. “I don’t think you’re called that now, so who are you?”

“Jocelyn…?” He called her name, confused. Her smile grew slightly and she took a couple of steps into the cell. He backed away by instinct. “What- How?”

“Does it really matter?” She sighed. “I’m just glad you didn’t forget me after all this time.”

“You can’t-" His breath caught in his throat when certainly warm hands touched his arms. “I've just been through this,” he whispered, “It won't work again.”

“I'm sorry?” Jocelyn asked. Leonard simply shook his head. “Anyway, you still didn't tell me…”

He squinted his eyes at her. “Why would you need me to say it?”

“What? Michael, please,” she squeezed his arms lightly, “I-I just want to understand why you left us…”

Her heartache became more than an echo in her voice, and for a split second, Leonard wondered if there wasn't a remote chance that it was real, that she was actually alive and in front of him. But she couldn't be, of course. One Michael Vaako had left her some 120 years earlier… Jocelyn Treadway should be dead but knowing that didn't make looking at this ghost any easier.

“Michael?” Her low voice was enough to bring him back from his thoughts. “What's wrong?”

“You can't actually be here,” he spoke dryly, mostly out of wariness, as he pulled his arms away from her. “You couldn't possibly be alive now.”

Her expression became blank. There were no signs of hurt, of sadness, of _anything_. Leonard knew of his chances, but being right about it was a blow he hoped to avoid somehow. He walked further into his cell, unwilling to stay close to the image of the woman he once loved.

“Distance,” she crossed her arms. “Alright then.” She stood in silence for what felt like an eternity. He leaned against the wall, carefully watching her. “Look at you,” her tone was of slight mockery, “Do you even know what you are anymore?”

He furrowed his brows, unsure of what she hoped to accomplish with that question.

“Leonard, William, Michael, Joseph, John… Which one of them do you think you really are?”

At each name, memories flooded his mind. Each persona, the things he did, the people he met and ultimately outlived. Especially painful were the moments he shared with Jocelyn, the closest he got to settling down and having a family.

“They are both mixed together at this point, aren’t they? The soldier and the doctor.” A hint of empathy made way into her voice and he no longer could look at her. “You shouldn’t have given yourself this chance, John Grimm.” She finally moved, stepping further into the cell. He briefly looked up and it was as though the door had never been opened. “You think you’re settling down, that everything will be okay… But you know the size of the lie you’re telling yourself. You know you'll outlive them, and the Vulcan is no exception.”

The knot in his throat was impossible to swallow, but he forced it down enough to say, “Leave.”

“He speaks!” She smiled, standing very close to him, enough that looking away proved a challenge. “But no, I don't think I'm going anywhere.”

“You're about as real as anything that happened since I got here,” he finally looked her in the eyes, “So you have no reason to keep trying this.”

“I suppose I don't,” she shrugged, “But you should know, as a trained psychologist, that closing yourself off now will take its toll.” The expression wasn't as blank as before, and the somewhat concerned tone remained. “I'd recommend getting out of here before it gets to that point.”

It went without saying that he was confused by the sudden change. “What are you-"

“Listen,” she sighed, “You said it yourself, there’s no point in trying when you know I’m a voice in your head.” The initial sweetness had returned to her voice. “So, you better find a way out before solitude gets a hold of you and I really need to be here.”

All it took was the blink of an eye. Leonard was alone again, with more in his mind than he had at the beginning of the day. Nothing that Jocelyn had said changed anything. It was time to do something.

* * *

“This is… Unexpected.”

“We were getting somewhere with her image… What happened?!”

“It seems his subconscious will offer more resistance than we anticipated.”

“It could prove useful for further tests. Keep going.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I got carried away again... :)


	7. Emotions

Spock stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide in shock. He ignored the confused look of the security officer and the concerned questions coming from Sulu, as he slowly breathed out. 

He had felt something. Leonard had felt something. Spock hadn't been able to feel anything through their bond for way too long. It had made the half Vulcan nervous and uncomfortable. It had Spock feeling like a part of him was missing. 

Always composed and calm. Giving the captain his opinion, telling him the most logical solution. That's how most of the crew saw Spock. But since Leonard was kidnapped, since he couldn't even feel if his lover was alive, Spock had been on edge. His often hidden emotions were for a change on display for anyone who cared to look. 

 But now, so suddenly, there had been such strong emotions. It had been only a short moment, still its intensity had taken Spock's breath away. 

Absentmindedly, he wondered if Leonard was even aware that Spock had felt this mixture of emotions. 

Sadness, regret, uncertainty, melancholy and even a hint of anger. What Leonard was angry about? Spock couldn't tell. He knew, however, these strong emotions had to do something with his past. 

This, on the other hand, made the first officer only worry more. What had made the doctor think about this past? Did the natives know about Leonard's secret? But how was that possible? It couldn't be, right?

No matter the answers to these questions, Spock needed to find his boyfriend. He yearned to hold him in his arms again, make him feel safe and loved. Like Leonard deserved.

Spock didn't want to waste any more time, didn't want to risk Leonard being hurt more. Because even if his physical injuries always healed, his emotional wounds needed more than time to heal.

He looked at Sulu. There was no word spoken, Sulu saw it all in the half Vulcan's eyes and nodded.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Reaper waited for a moment and listened. 

But when it seemed like no one else was approaching and his mind didn't want to play him any other trick just yet, he went forwards and inspected the door that kept him inside. Maybe he could pick the lock. Maybe he could find a weak spot and just break it. 

He needed to find a way out. Quick. Who knew what the natives had still planned for him. What ghost would visit him next. How much of this he could take. He may be immortal but his mind was still only that of a human. It was fragile, breakable. 

 


End file.
